We know that eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep can help us live longer, but could having a healthy sex life play a part too? Experts explain what happens to our bodies during intimacy, and why quality may matter more than quantity as we get older.
We often talk about strength training and eating well when it comes to longevity, but perhaps sex deserves a place on the list too. While we hear plenty about the benefits of exercise and a healthy diet, there is also research linking sexual wellbeing with better health in older adults.
Although our sex lives can change as we get older, due to hormones, menopause, and the general pressures of life, being intimate with your partner could help with longevity.
According to psychiatrist Dr Troy Kurz, there are potential benefits beyond the physical act of sex itself.
“A satisfactory sexual relationship in older adults has been shown to promote good health as people age; however, it remains unclear whether sex actually contributes to extended lifespan,” he said.
“The emotional closeness and intimacy that develop from sexual activity can help reduce stress, provide a sense of well-being, and provide an individual with a feeling of connection. These elements may have even greater importance for individuals aged 50 and above because they are more likely to rely on their social networks (i.e., family, friends) than younger persons.”
Although we shouldn’t necessarily assume having sex will add years to our life, Dr Robert Davies, medical director and psychiatrist at the Chroma Wellness Center says it can help us age well.
“A healthy sexual experience is just one way you can age successfully,” he said. “The physical contact and emotional support of an intimate relationship may provide individuals with feelings of calmness, connection, and emotional security; these are particularly beneficial during older adulthood.
“There appears to be a correlation in the literature between sexual functioning/sexuality and overall health, but no data indicates that having good sex extends your lifespan.”
What does the research say about sex and longevity?
So, is there really a link between sex and longevity? Some studies have found an association between sexual activity and a lower risk of death, but that doesn’t mean sex itself is responsible.
One possible explanation is that people who are already in better health are more able to maintain an active sex life. Dr Kurz says researchers need to take this into account when looking at the findings.
“There has been some research to show a connection between sexual behaviour and a lower risk of death; however, this does not necessarily indicate that sexual behaviour per se is contributing to a reduced mortality rate.
“People who experience better overall physical health may be able to maintain sexual activity for longer. Therefore, researchers should consider potential confounding variables when examining an individual’s life expectancy (such as previous or current health problems, their lifestyle choices, and the quality of their relationship).”
Dr Davies agrees that there are other factors at play, including how happy we are in our relationships and our general mental and physical health.
“While there have been some studies to suggest a possible link between sexual activity and reduced risk of death, it does not necessarily indicate that the cause of this relationship is sex,” he said.
“It has been suggested that people who are in better physical health will typically be able to engage in more sexual activities. Sexual wellness also appears to be closely linked to many additional elements, which can include, but are not limited to: being satisfied with your current relationship, maintaining good mental/emotional health and/or having an overall high quality of life.”
Kat Grassetti, clinical director at Monima Wellness adds that studies have indicated an association between sexual well-being and improved general health in older adults.
“The satisfaction associated with continuing to engage in regular sexual relations may be related to lower levels of stress, greater emotional intimacy, and enhanced feelings of happiness for individuals, all of which contribute to the process of healthy aging.”
Is having better sex more important than having more sex?
If you’re wondering whether you need to be having sex several times a week to enjoy the potential benefits, there’s no need to start counting. The experts say there is no magic number when it comes to sexual frequency.
In fact, enjoying the experience and feeling comfortable with your partner matters much more than how often you’re doing it.
Dr Kurz says: “Sex frequency is irrelevant to health; what’s important is that you find your experience of being intimate with another person to be enjoyable, comfortable and emotionally satisfying.
“Adults in their 50s or older will likely undergo some physical changes which will impact how frequently they can engage in sexual activity. As long as your satisfaction and connection remains strong, it doesn’t matter if you have sex less frequently.”
Kat also believes that quality matters more than quantity, particularly once we’re over 50.
A satisfying sex life isn’t about how often you do it
“I think that when we talk about intimate relationships over age fifty, I feel like quantity is less important than quality.
“If you’re able to develop an emotional connection with your partner; if you have a good feeling of comfort in your relationship; if you find sexual experiences satisfying; these are all things that will create a greater sense of value or purpose for sexual interactions,” she said.
“Also, sex creates hormone responses and release of endogenous compounds associated with feelings of relaxation and pleasure. These chemical changes may be helpful in reducing stress levels and contribute to increased overall psychological well-being.”
Dr Davies says there is no ideal number of times to have sex each week or month. What matters is how you feel about it.
“I would like to suggest for those above 50, to focus on their feelings toward sexual activity rather than focusing on how many times they are sexually active,” he advised.
“Being relaxed in the moment, feeling as though you were treated with respect, and being emotionally connected to your partner could be more important than tracking sexual frequency. Sexually fulfilling oneself is subjective; therefore, I believe that there will never be an ideal sexual frequency per week/month/year that signifies a healthy sex life.”
So if your sex life isn’t quite what it was in your 20s or 30s, don’t panic. There’s no need to compare yourself with other couples or feel you should be meeting a particular target.
What happens to your body when you have sex?
We know sex can get the heart pumping, but what else happens inside the body? Your heart rate and breathing increase, your blood flow changes and your nervous system responds to physical stimulation and pleasure.
Dr Davies explains: “Sexual activity produces physiological responses, including alterations in heart rate, respiration, and nervous system response.
“Also, pleasure and/or orgasm are accompanied by chemical releases that contribute to feelings of relaxation and emotional attachment. These reactions have been shown to provide short-term relief from stress or anxiety.”
These responses may help explain why sex can leave us feeling relaxed and good about ourselves.
Can sex boost your heart health?
With sex raising your heart rate and increasing blood flow, you might wonder whether it counts as a workout for your heart. Could it help lower blood pressure or reduce the risk of heart disease?
Dr Davies says there may be benefits from the relaxation and stress relief associated with enjoyable intimacy, but we shouldn’t make claims that the science hasn’t established.
“Physical movement during sexual activity increases heart rate temporarily, and heart rates associated with enjoyable intimacy can help promote relaxation and reduce stress.
“While there is no scientific proof that regular sexual activity reduces the risk of heart disease or lowers high blood pressure, it may be beneficial as an additional tool to assist you in maintaining other heart-healthy behaviour’s.”
Kat is also cautious about drawing a direct link between sex and cardiovascular health.
“Sexual behaviour has a temporary increase in both heart rate and blood flow; however, sexual behaviour’s impact on cardiovascular health is still unknown.
“Continued sexual activity into late life is associated with various aspects of improved health; however, this does not establish a direct causal relationship. The maintenance of affection, emotional closeness, and sexual contact may be beneficial for an individual’s overall well-being as they age.”
So, while sex can be enjoyable and may help you relax, it shouldn’t be treated as a substitute for the things we know help protect your heart, such as regular exercise, eating well and keeping your blood pressure under control.
Why intimacy still matters as we get older
Sex isn’t the only way to stay close to a partner. Kissing, cuddling, holding hands and affection can all help keep intimacy alive, even if intercourse becomes less frequent.
Dr Davies says maintaining a close relationship can make a real difference to how older adults feel about their lives.
“Studies have found that elderly people with sexually satisfactory relationships typically perceive higher levels of overall emotional well-being and quality of life,” he explained.
“However, it can be easier to enjoy sexual activity when in good physical shape, as there are fewer pain and discomfort issues. The key factor is for couples to maintain an intimate relationship. This could include having sex regularly, or other ways of being close to one another.”
It’s a reminder that intimacy doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. Some couples may enjoy a regular sex life, while others find that affection and physical closeness become more important as they get older.
The key is to find what works for you, without feeling that you have to keep up with anyone else’s idea of a healthy sex life.
Key takeaway: can a better sex life help you live longer?
A satisfying sex life may be good for our health and happiness as we get older, but there is currently no convincing evidence that sex itself makes us live longer.
The experts’ message is simple: don’t get hung up on how often you’re having sex. Enjoyment, feeling comfortable with your partner and maintaining intimacy matter more than hitting a weekly target. And if sex becomes less frequent as you get older, there are plenty of other ways to keep that closeness alive.
